


spring will come

by diamondskies



Series: as always, i need you [2]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Death, Gen, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 10:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13479819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondskies/pseuds/diamondskies
Summary: The winter is harsh and unforgiving, but I’m going to get through it because you made me realize that I’m not alone. There are people who are ready to catch me should I fall, pull me up should I drown, and stay by my side even after the loneliness fades. There are the pearl aqua moon above, the four stars shining brightly, and the wind chime that sounds like your laughter.A promise to myself.





	spring will come

 

I discovered you in spring.

Your hair was brown like the earth beneath. The way you belted out your high note stunned me, but what endeared me the most was the way you talked—soft, gentle, and intimate, just like a blooming flower bud.

I fell in love with you in spring.

It’s not the kind of love where I want to kiss and marry you, as much as I kid about it. It’s the kind of love you have for an old friend—whom you can talk to about everything and nothing at 3 a.m., whose familiarity of voice and hands never fail to give you comfort, who is a shore for you whenever the world becomes too rough for you to keep going—all warm fondness, wishes for happiness, and faint homesickness when they’re not by your side. It’s the kind of love a flower has for the sun for always giving it the light it needed to grow and blossom. It’s the kind of love where you would steal the stars and give the sun in the urn of gold should your loved one wish for it.

I received your beautiful craft in spring.

It was the very first album I ever owned; green rectangle and magnificent music and weeks of saving up from my friends in order to present it to me at the anniversary of my birth. I still have it on my shelf, lovingly taken care of and accompanied with the crafts you and your brothers made. I listen to it whenever the dark thoughts swirling in my head become too much. I open it whenever your absence becomes too deep and raw.

Now, you’re in a world of eternal spring.

I still think it’s unfair sometimes. I still get unbearably angry at the world and universe for giving you scars that wouldn’t heal. There are times where my tears still fall and I lay on the bed, numb, while wondering _should I wish for the winter to take me away too?_

But then I think about your smile and how often it must’ve been painted on your face now that you’re free. I think about the crinkles beside your eyes and the melody of your laugh. I think about the flowers in your hair, the flowers all around you, and the flowers inside your chest. A sense of peace embraced me.

You’re not here anymore, but you’re safe and happy in a much richer, beautiful, and colourful place. You’ve left us so many flowers to remember you by and planted seeds in so many people’s hearts.

The winter is harsh and unforgiving, but I’m going to get through it because you made me realize that I’m not alone. There are people who are ready to catch me should I fall, pull me up should I drown, and stay by my side even after the loneliness fades. There are the pearl aqua moon above, the four stars shining brightly, and the wind chime that sounds like your laughter.

So, even though I know it’s going to be difficult, I’ll blaze through this winter towards the spring and run, run, run until the seed you put in my heart grow and blossom into something beautiful. That way, when I meet you again, I can be proud of myself. Perhaps I’ll finally know what it’s like to hold your hand then.

But until I reach that eternal spring, I’ll try my hardest to live well and carve my own future. For you, for those who love me, and for myself.

고마워요, 종현오빠. 너 잘 했어.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this through my tears so i’m sorry for how messy this is. ;;
> 
> saying that before our spring mv made me emotional is an understatement. i was a complete wreck. too many emotions overwhelmed me and i made this in a hurry to process them better. 
> 
> even though it’s painful for me to watch, i’m glad the mv is celebrating his life because that’s what he should be remembered for. his smile. his art. his legacy. 
> 
> fun fact that hopefully will amuse you: my country doesn’t have four seasons, so i just matched up the months of the events written in this with korean seasons cycle since writing, “i meet you in the rainy season...” etc. would have made this piece lost its whole meaning and metaphors lmao.
> 
> even though i wrote this to let out my grief, i hope this could also comfort you in any way. remember, you are not alone. if you’re in a bad place or need someone to talk to, the sweethearts that are [shawssistence](https://twitter.com/shawssistance) are ready help you. please take care of yourself, first and foremost. i love you.


End file.
